Why I love the Old Testament
More and more people are criticising the Bible and a lot of their snipes and jibes are at the Old Testament, but they're missing the point. The point in that most wise section of the Bible is to make our lives better. There are a great deal of good Christians - particularly in the United States - who believe that a Christian theocratic nation would be the way forward and I'm inclined to agree. If only we were to live our lives in this way, the world could be a much better place.
1. It would eradicate the racial tensions caused by a multi-cultural society.
As a middle class male belonging to the racial majority of my nation, I would no longer have to feel unsettled by ethnics and those of other "faiths". These people would be forcibly converted, imprisoned or put to slavery. It's not a punishment; it’s all for their own good.
Also, we would not have to worry about other weird languages because we'd only have one, as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden. I'm not sure what it was they spoke, but it was probably English because my Bible's written in English.
2. It would solve all man's money worries.
Under the Old Testament we are allowed to have slaves, which is good because they'd never have to pay tax on their earnings ever again. It would also reduce labour costs, so prices could drop and businesses would flourish.
Also, if any man was ever in financial trouble he could easily get himself out of debt by selling his daughter or wife, because all women would be property of men and thus can be traded and exchanged.
However no man would ever be in debt because money-lending for profit would be illegal. As such, any sales of slaves or female relatives would make a 100% profit. That’s extremely good business sense.
Don’t you just hate it when prices are, for example, £1.99 rather than £2? You end up with all that loose change! But using people as currency would solve that and all prices would need no change, because no-one would want just a leg.
I suppose the only problem could be bartering – “Your wife’s not worth two oxen!�?
3. Weekends would be more restful.
Anybody who works on the Sabbath would be executed, so everybody would be more calm.
4. It would speed up the judicial process and solve the prison crisis.
Newspapers and politicians are always complaining that prisons are too nice; that they’re too full; that courts are too slow and costly. If we lived in a theocracy all that would change.
Cases would not be decided by juries, who are normal people and have poor judgement, they would be decided by priests who are appointed by God and thus are never wrong in anything. As such, cases would be decided very quickly and they wouldn’t need to be over-turned, because God is never wrong and also because the accused would probably be dead already.
Prisons would not be needed as much because, although there would be more crimes, most of them are punishable by death anyway so we wouldn’t have much need for them. They could be turned into quarters for poor people, maybe.
5. It would cure AIDS.
All gays would be executed. Only gays have AIDS.
6. It would improve the school system.
Pupils would only have to learn about the Bible which is good because the Bible never changes, is eternally correct and plus because science is difficult. Also, history classes would be made easier because the world is only 6000 years old, so any of the stuff people say came before that would no longer be relevant and as such, pupils’ grades would get better by a margin of 250%.
Plus, those “historians�? would be executed for blasphemy.
People always complain that this generation is so badly behaved and rude and they’re right, but we could solve that if we lived by the Old Testament. Juvenile delinquency and disobeying your parents are both capital offences, and fear of death is a good and sensible way to get people to behave well. Let’s see an ASBO do that!
7. It would be good for the NHS.
With all the new laws punishable by death, the population would drop by 37% and so the NHS would have to treat far fewer people, which would be a huge load off their shoulders.
They probably shouldn’t treat criminals anyway. They’re not real people.
8. We would no longer have to worry about global warming.
This is more to do with the New Testament, but it still shows the benefits of living under a Christian theocracy because if we did then global warming wouldn’t matter because the second coming of Christ is close at hand. Destroying the environment will make this happen sooner.
So there you have it – conclusive proof that society would be better if it was run under Old Testament laws.
I hope you join me.
More and more people are criticising the Bible and a lot of their snipes and jibes are at the Old Testament, but they're missing the point. The point in that most wise section of the Bible is to make our lives better. There are a great deal of good Christians - particularly in the United States - who believe that a Christian theocratic nation would be the way forward and I'm inclined to agree. If only we were to live our lives in this way, the world could be a much better place.
1. It would eradicate the racial tensions caused by a multi-cultural society.
As a middle class male belonging to the racial majority of my nation, I would no longer have to feel unsettled by ethnics and those of other "faiths". These people would be forcibly converted, imprisoned or put to slavery. It's not a punishment; it’s all for their own good.
Also, we would not have to worry about other weird languages because we'd only have one, as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden. I'm not sure what it was they spoke, but it was probably English because my Bible's written in English.
2. It would solve all man's money worries.
Under the Old Testament we are allowed to have slaves, which is good because they'd never have to pay tax on their earnings ever again. It would also reduce labour costs, so prices could drop and businesses would flourish.
Also, if any man was ever in financial trouble he could easily get himself out of debt by selling his daughter or wife, because all women would be property of men and thus can be traded and exchanged.
However no man would ever be in debt because money-lending for profit would be illegal. As such, any sales of slaves or female relatives would make a 100% profit. That’s extremely good business sense.
Don’t you just hate it when prices are, for example, £1.99 rather than £2? You end up with all that loose change! But using people as currency would solve that and all prices would need no change, because no-one would want just a leg.
I suppose the only problem could be bartering – “Your wife’s not worth two oxen!�?
3. Weekends would be more restful.
Anybody who works on the Sabbath would be executed, so everybody would be more calm.
4. It would speed up the judicial process and solve the prison crisis.
Newspapers and politicians are always complaining that prisons are too nice; that they’re too full; that courts are too slow and costly. If we lived in a theocracy all that would change.
Cases would not be decided by juries, who are normal people and have poor judgement, they would be decided by priests who are appointed by God and thus are never wrong in anything. As such, cases would be decided very quickly and they wouldn’t need to be over-turned, because God is never wrong and also because the accused would probably be dead already.
Prisons would not be needed as much because, although there would be more crimes, most of them are punishable by death anyway so we wouldn’t have much need for them. They could be turned into quarters for poor people, maybe.
5. It would cure AIDS.
All gays would be executed. Only gays have AIDS.
6. It would improve the school system.
Pupils would only have to learn about the Bible which is good because the Bible never changes, is eternally correct and plus because science is difficult. Also, history classes would be made easier because the world is only 6000 years old, so any of the stuff people say came before that would no longer be relevant and as such, pupils’ grades would get better by a margin of 250%.
Plus, those “historians�? would be executed for blasphemy.
People always complain that this generation is so badly behaved and rude and they’re right, but we could solve that if we lived by the Old Testament. Juvenile delinquency and disobeying your parents are both capital offences, and fear of death is a good and sensible way to get people to behave well. Let’s see an ASBO do that!
7. It would be good for the NHS.
With all the new laws punishable by death, the population would drop by 37% and so the NHS would have to treat far fewer people, which would be a huge load off their shoulders.
They probably shouldn’t treat criminals anyway. They’re not real people.
8. We would no longer have to worry about global warming.
This is more to do with the New Testament, but it still shows the benefits of living under a Christian theocracy because if we did then global warming wouldn’t matter because the second coming of Christ is close at hand. Destroying the environment will make this happen sooner.
So there you have it – conclusive proof that society would be better if it was run under Old Testament laws.
I hope you join me.
posted by Christopher at 11:42 AM
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